Becoming Cory and Shawn
by oncethrown
Summary: I'm Shawn, you're Cory! What else do you need to know?" A series of vignettes encompassing the lives of Cory and Shawn as they grow up before, during, beyond, and way beyond the series. Reviews always appreciated.
1. Friendship

Friendship

* * *

One of the two swings at the park is broken, so Shawn and Cory take turns giving each other pushes on the swing that still works.

"Higher!" Cory giggles, but Shawn plants his little fists, still somewhat sticky from the licorice that Cory had split with him, on his skinny hips.

"You're too heavy for me to push. Eric said that if you swing your legs you'll go higher all by yourself. And he's in the second grade," Shawn concludes as though this makes Eric an expert on everything.

Cory tries it and it works, but it's no fun to swing alone so he sets his feet down hard in the sand and comes to a stop. He grabs Shawn's arm and they run off toward the trees.

"Cory! Stay where I can see you!" His mother calls from where she's sitting on the park bench with one of the other neighborhood moms.

Cory and Shawn start collecting fallen leaves with their little hands, and building a pile just big enough for it to be fun to throw the leaves at each other.

"We need more leaves," Cory sighs.

"My dad says the best leaves are in Vernament," Shawn tells Cory sagely, "There's so many offem you can make big big piles and jump inem an they're real pretty."

"This one's pretty," Cory holds up a red and yellow leaf.

"The ones in Vernament are even prettier," Shawn asserts.

"Oh," Cory says looking at his leaf, "When we're real big, I'm going to take you to Vernament, and we're gonna make big huge leaf piles. So big that we can hide inem."

Shawn laughs, "But Vernament is real farway."

"That's okay," Cory says, "I'll share my snack with you on the way."

* * *

Next installment: Fear


	2. Fear

Fear

* * *

Cory carries an empty backpack to school in the middle of the night, completely terrified that he's made a huge mistake.

He knows that hiding Shawn in his room for the last few days while they waited out the cherry bomb fallout wasn't technically right, not right the way that telling his parents that he knew where Shawn was would have been, but it _felt_ right. And for all of his parents speeches about how he, Cory, can always come home and can always come to them first, he knows that the same isn't necessarily true for Shawn. Shawn's parents are not Cory's parents, and Cory's been in too much of an ethical quandary all week to add "Should I have told my parents the things about Shawn's parents that he's always made me promise not to tell anyone?" to the list of big moral dilemmas on his plate alongside his stolen meatloaf.

An empty back pack has never been this heavy.

Cory's heart stops when Feeny is in the classroom, but Feeny just gives him another speech. This adds an injunction to have enough respect for a friendship not to put unfair stress on it to the order to "always come home" that his parents have given him. People have given Cory so many speeches lately that he can't help regurgitating one to Shawn after Feeny has left.

He begs Shawn to come back to his side of the line that Shawn insisted that he'd blown to hell with his cherry bomb, hoping that Shawn realizes that if he doesn't come back, Cory's going to be left alone, because Shawn's always been the only other person on his side of the line. It's their damn line.

When Shawn freaks out because his parents are outside, Cory thinks he's messed this up too badly for them to ever recover from, that he's actually the one that puts a rip in this friendship's canvas in a way that none of the well-meaning adults around them have been able to grasp. But Shawn goes home, and the only major consequence is an epic grounding. They make it through this, and the line officially becomes a circle, with only the two of them in it. Shawn's not convinced that he can always go home, but he can always go to Cory.

* * *

Next installment: Confusion


	3. Confusion

Confusion

* * *

"Topanga was staring at me?" Cory demands of Shawn as they reach his room.

"Yeah, man, but not in a good way. In a "my boyfriend's dressed like waitress and hitting on a guy" way," Shawn clarifies.

"Yeah," Cory laughs, "You weren't expecting that were you?"

"I think this is just going down in the records as the day of unsurpassable weirdness," Shawn says as he pulls his wig and his wig cap off.

"It's going to be a great article though," Cory says, "And we need to write some sort of letter to this panty hose in an egg company. These are so _not_ stay-safe."

Shawn nods as Cory sits on his bed. He begins to unroll his panty hose and Shawn finds himself irresistibly reminded of The Graduate, when Mrs. Robinson strips and Dustin Hoffman tries to be cool about it.

Shawn takes off his boots, unbelts his skirt, and sits down on Eric's bed and begins pulling unrolling his own panty hose.

"Hey, how come yours rolls right off like that?" Cory demands, "Did you shave your legs?"

"Yeah. And I cut my ankle doing it, so you owe me all kinds of favors for helping you with this assignment, my friend," Shawn replies. He leaves the panty hose on the floor and gratefully grabs his pants. He stands away from Cory, facing a wall as he changes from the panties that Topanga had handed him yesterday, not even trying to keep a straight face, to his own boxers and jeans. Now he's a weird half woman half man. Boys jeans and belt hanging out of a makeup'd face and tight, breasty sweater.

Cory sits on his bed, in just his briefs and a bra. He'd had his completely mortified but still strangely supportive mother put it on for him and was now completely dumbfounded as to how to remove it. He looks up at Shawn to ask him for help, and sees Shawn simply reach behind his own back, unhook the hooks and slide the bra off his arms, tube socks falling out of the cups as he does.

"How did you do that?" Cory demands.

"Do what?" Shawn asks. He's distracted, sure his T-shirt was just here.

"You just-bam-took that right off," Cory says in awe. Shawn laughs.

"Practice Cor. Plenty of girls in our school to ask how I got that," Shawn laughs again and Cory rolls his eyes and begins trying to get his arms out of his bra straps so that he can tug the hooks around to the front of himself.

"Stop," Shawn sighs when he sees how little progress Cory is making, "Stand up, I'll help you."

Cory stands obediently and Shawn wraps his arms around Cory's chest and unhooks the bra easily.

Shawn tries to add a "ta-da" after that trick but finds the words caught in his throat.

"Are you wearing perfume?" Cory asks weakly. Shawn shakes his head, as though trying to remove water from his ears and replies "Yeah, you know, staying in character."

He hurriedly pulls on his t-shirt and goes to the bathroom to wash his face. When Cory asks him if he's going to stay for dinner Shawn replies that he had better eat at home tonight.

* * *

Next Installment: Futures


	4. Futures

Futures

* * *

Cory gets into Pennbrooke, Angela gets into Pennbrooke, and Topanga gets into Yale.

Cory freaks out.

Cory adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "freaking out" however, when he finds out that Shawn _didn't_ get into Pennbrooke.

Shawn wishes Cory would drop it. The waitlist is farther than anyone in Shawn's family has ever gotten, and he's fine with that. He doesn't have the grades for a scholarship, he doesn't have the money for tuition and he could see himself staying at his photography job for a couple years. He doesn't have to imagine staying any longer because in his imagination he doesn't have loans to pay back and he rents out some sort of garage or basement room from Cory and Topanga for cheap. It's a workable fantasy.

Shawn's not sure what to think of Cory's campaign to keep everyone else out of Pennbrooke to make room for him, and he wonders what Topanga must think of it. Especially after his and Cory's fight earlier in the year when Shawn found out that Cory might abandon him and go to Stanford. Ever since that Topanga's been watching him. Not suspiciously, not with any malice, but as though she's more aware of them than she once was. Like he's a new painting on a wall that used to be empty and she hasn't decided yet whether or not she likes it hanging there. Shawn catches a strange flicker in Topanga's eyes whenever Cory throws an arm over him.

When Shawn announces that he got another letter from Pennbrooke, that he's officially in, he, Cory, Topanga, and Angela go looking for a place to celebrate. Topanga and Angela ask why they can't just go to Peg Leg Pete's and Cory and Shawn give them a look reserved for 15th century heretics. They end up in a malt shop somewhere on the other side of town. Cory tosses an arm over the backrest behind Shawn and Shawn catches the flash in Topanga's eye, but when Shawn mentions that he doesn't know how he'll afford college, Topanga gives him a lot of scholarship advice. She wants him in college with Cory too, Shawn supposes.

* * *

Next Installment: Potential


	5. Potential

Potential

* * *

Cory does better than anyone expected with Topanga gone. Other than his determination to take a million classes that are out of his league, his minor panic and his escape to Jackson Hole to stay with Feeny. Shawn has Angela, Eric and Jack sign up for an extra class each to hold a place for Cory so that when Cory gets back they can all drop out, and Cory can drop in. Shawn trusts Feeny to make sure Cory makes it back safely, and when Cory comes back to campus, Shawn informs him that he's in all of Shawn's classes. Cory smiles with relief and returns his quantum physics book.

The only class Shawn wasn't sure he should've signed Cory up for is Creative Writing. Cory's not really a literary person and Shawn's not sure how to explain to Cory how important this class is to him. Cory doesn't know about the shoe box full of notebooks of poems and stories that Shawn's had under his bed or beside his mattress since he was little. Not because it's a secret, but just because it's never come up.

Once actual creative writing starts getting assigned in class, Cory and Shawn exchange that their assignments for the other to check over, like they do in all of their classes. Cory's stories are a lot like the comic books he and Shawn used to read, superheroes and aliens and comets rushing toward earth and people getting saved in the nick of time. Shawn's writes about his father, about living with Turner. As the class goes on Shawn grows into telling stories about who he might have been and things that might have happened, and nothing gives Shawn a jolt like watching Cory's face while he reads Shawn's stories. He likes them.

The poetry unit of the class is not up Cory's alley. He grudgingly admits that he no longer dislikes poetry, but he still can't write it and he knows he can't write it, and he smiles and rolls his eyes indulgently when Shawn suggest that he move a couple of words around to improve his assignment. Cory prefers to read and talk about Shawn's poetry.

One day the professor holds Shawn back after class and gives him a list of competitions that he thinks Shawn should enter his poems and short stories into. He tells Shawn that he has talent and potential and Shawn takes the list, smiles and says he'll think about it.

Shawn walks home, wondering whether or not to tell Cory about the competitions. He already knows Cory will tell him that he should enter. The door is locked when Shawn gets home. One of Cory's notebooks is open on Shawn's bed. There's a note scribbled on the open page

_Advise meet Olson, back 6. Groceries?_

Shawn flips the notebook shut and sees that amid a nest of doodles, there's a line of writing on the back of the notebook, traced into the cardboard so many times that it's carved. It's a line from one of Shawn's poems.

Shawn enters every contest on the list

* * *

Next Installment: Topanga


	6. Topanga

Topanga

* * *

Topanga doesn't come back to Philadelphia until Thanksgiving, and for several days before her arrival, Shawn notices Cory getting ready.

"She's not going to sleep with you man," Shawn grins at him when he catches Cory eyeing new sheets on their Target run that week.

"A guy can dream can't he?" Cory responds.

Cory doesn't buy new sheets, but he does dust all their shelves and vacuum their floor.

Shawn goes to the Matthews' for Thanksgiving. He cheers for football, he passes the potatoes, and when Cory and Topanga go to a movie that night Cory invites Shawn with. But for the rest of Topanga's time home, Shawn tries to stay out of their way.

Cory takes Topanga out window shopping before she returns to Connecticut so that they can just talk and be together, but after three days back in Philadelphia Topanga's heard all of Cory's stories and picked up on the theme.

"Have you made any new friends?" She asks.

Cory shrugs.

Topanga has always known her boyfriend's best friend is the most important person to him, but somehow seeing the two of them with fresh eyes for the first time in her life comes as a shock.

Cory drives Topanga to the train station, they exchange tearful goodbyes and she promises to call him when she gets back to Yale.

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas Cory and Topanga's phone calls go from a couple hours a week to half hour exchanges of events every week and a half and then to cut-short catch ups every couple weeks. Topanga spends Christmas in Pittsburg with her parents.

Angela and Shawn break up before the end of January. One day over coffee Angela asks Shawn why they're still together and Shawn takes a minute before he even opens his mouth to begin stammering an answer.

"Yeah," Angela agrees with his silence, "I'm not sure either."

It's amicable, but it's still awkward to admit that you just don't belong with someone anymore. Shawn and Angela avoid each other for a couple of weeks, before becoming people who have no contact outside of smiling at each other in the hallways.

Cory, aware of the new tension in his own relationship, compensates by going out of his way to get Shawn and Angela back together. They both try to ignore him, knowing that it only makes him try harder.

Topanga's phone calls get fewer and further between until finally one evening in the beginning of March Shawn comes home to find Cory lying on his bed in the dark, wide eyes staring holes through the ceiling.

"She said we've grown too far apart."

Shawn dumps his books on his own bed and lies down next to Cory. They stare at the ceiling together for silent hours until Cory falls asleep and Shawn climbs into his own bed, not bothering to change into his pajamas.

* * *

Next Installment: Classics


	7. Classics

Classics

* * *

With Topanga and Angela gone, and only one spring class that they don't share- Advanced Creative Writing- Cory and Shawn's lives wrap further and further into each other, like a snake eating its own tail. All of their food is communal, though Shawn always leaves the last couple bites of ice cream for Cory, and Cory always leaves the last apple for Shawn. Their clothes start belonging to both of them, and any boundary between Cory's side of the dorm and Shawn's completely disappears.

Cory still reads Shawn's poetry and Shawn starts keeping a special shoe box for the poems that Cory likes the most.

Shawn makes a couple of other friends, exclusively girls that had hoped that Shawn would ask them out before they met Cory and realized that it wasn't in the cards, and while sometimes he and Cory and the girls will go out on the town, he spends most of his time and nearly all of his Friday nights in his dorm with Cory. At first it's because Cory's too depressed about losing Topanga to go out at all, but it sinks into routine after a while.

That summer Cory and Shawn pay the summer housing fee and stay in their dorm. Shawn decides "let the rules be damned" and buys a hotplate. He and Cory sit on the floor with their two pans and make a lot of macaroni and cheese with cut up hot dogs.

Cory applies for internships at the local TV stations, but doesn't get any of them. He works for his father that summer. Shawn goes back to the advertising agency they visited in high school and winds up making pretty decent money as the assistant to the same guy from before. He opens a savings account for the first time in his life and fastidiously puts at least ten percent of every paycheck in it alongside his writing contest prize winnings.

The last weekend of June a storm moves into Philly and stays. Thunder rolls ominously for days, like it's just hanging around waiting for the end of the world. Cory and Shawn rent old movies and make spaghetti. They sit on Shawn's bed, lying down when their backs can't take hunching over any more. Shawn lies with his toes hanging off the bottom edge of the bed, Cory scoots toward the head board far enough that he can see over Shawn's head.

A crack of thunder rips through the room loud enough to burst ear drums. Shawn jumps at the sound and the small movement of his body is the difference between he and Cory doing their best to be comfortable without furniture and he and Cory spooning. Shawn moves away the instant he feels Cory's chest against his back, but Cory's thrown his arm around Shawn in the moment of the thunder boom, and hasn't let go. Shawn carefully lies back against him. They really are too close, Shawn thinks.

They watch a lot of movies that summer.

* * *

Next Installment: Revelation


	8. Revelation

Revelation

* * *

Shawn starts a novel and grows a goatee and Cory informs him that to maintain a reasonable quota of English major pretentiousness he has to lose one or the other. Shawn shaves the goatee.

Classes start again, and this time they only share one. Cory comes back from his first class to find Shawn at his desk, scribbling furiously in a notebook. Cory wraps an arm around one of Shawn's shoulders and leans over the other.

"Inspiration hits?" He asks. Shawn grunts in the affirmative.

"You've got ten minutes before class Shawn."

Shawn grunts neutrally.

"If you left now you'd probably make it on time," Cory continues. Another grunt.

Cory pulls the notebook away from Shawn, leaving a weird line carved down the page.

"Go to class Shawn," Cory says, holding Shawn's notebook ransom against his chest.

"I'm going, I'm going," Shawn says grouchily. He thrusts his feet into shoes and grabs his back pack off the floor, quickly shoveling a couple of books into it. He holds out an open palm.

"Are you going to pay_ attention_ in class if I give this back to you?" Cory asks with a teasing smile.

"Cooorr.." Shawn whines at him, trying to tug the notebook out of Cory's hands.

"Fine. Here," Cory lets go of the notebook and plants an entirely unthinking kiss on Shawn's cheek as he does.

"Thanks," Shawn replies, without noticing.

He gets halfway down the hallway before he realizes what just happened. He turns around and goes back to his dorm, all the little touches and little looks clicking into place as he reaches the door and finds Cory standing frozen where he was before. Shawn shuts the door behind him.

"Cor?"

"Yeah?"

"We're dating aren't we?"

Cory uncrosses his arms and puts them both behind his head, "I think it was an accident."

"The kiss or the dating?"

"Well… both maybe."

Shawn drops his bag and his notebook onto Cory's bed as he walks over to him. He takes Cory's face in his hands.

"I'm just gonna try something," Shawn explains before kissing Cory full on the lips. He pulls back slowly, Cory's open eyes watching him.

"Wow," Cory breathes.

It's like working on a puzzle for years and finally sliding in the last piece.

"I'm gonna skip this class," Shawn whispers.

"Kay."

* * *

Next Installment: Out


	9. Out

Out

* * *

Cory and Shawn only tell a couple of people that they're together because the couple of people that they do tell seem significantly more surprised by the fact that they _weren't dating already_ then they are by the information that Cory and Shawn _are dating now_. Angela sees the two of them holding hands in the student union one day, smiles, and waves.

Shawn spends Thanksgiving break at the Matthew's that year. Cory and Shawn absentmindedly refer to each other as "babe" several times in front of everyone. No one comments, though in private Jack mentions to Shawn that he and Cory might think about spending _some_ time out of each other's company.

A couple weeks later Alan comes home with a new TV and Amy calls the boys to offer them the old one from the living room. She drives to campus with it, and opens doors for the two of them as they take turns carrying it down hallways and up stairs. They try to get her to just leave them outside their door, they'll take it from here, but she walks in, laughing at them that she's sure it can't be such a mess that they have to hide it from her.

All she says when she sees that the boys have pushed their beds together is "Oh."

Cory and Shawn replace their TV as Amy throws clothes in the hamper and runs a clean sock over some of the shelves, "You couldn't have dusted when you moved everything?" she asks. She holds the doors open as they carry their old TV down to her car.

"Mrs. Matthews-" Shawn starts. Amy cuts him off

"It's not really a surprise," she admits as she pulls the gate of the minivan open and the boys set the TV in the back, "I mean- we wondered all summer. Do you want _me_ to tell your father?" She asks Cory gently.

Cory stammers that, sure, that would be fine, it's not a secret or anything. Shawn nods.

Rachel hears about it from Angela a couple days later and tells Jack and Eric. Jack is weird around Shawn for about a day before defaulting back to teasing and wrestling. Eric asks if this means Topanga's single and Jack turns to Eric and demands, "What is _wrong _with you man?" for the third time that day.

* * *

Next Installment: First


	10. First

First

* * *

Several of Shawn's female friends are the current renters of a house historically known for its parties and decide to make their end of semester party the end all be all of after-hours recreation for the entire year. When one of the girls runs into Cory and Shawn having coffee together in the student union and tells them they "totally have to be there," Shawn's surprised when Cory laughs and says he will be.

"I thought you hated loud drunken parties?" Shawn remarks.

"I need a little more celebration in my life," Cory smiles.

It's a louder and more drunken party than either of them expected, but the music's good, the vibe is good, and the liquor's good. Some big football guy hands Cory one of the cups of beer that he's filling from the keg, one after another. The occupants of the house hand Shawn a shot glass from the end of a line of glasses running down the cupboard and beg Shawn to toast the end of the semester with them. Cory and Shawn retreat to the living room, and manage to duck the next four rounds of drinks when the entire living room becomes an impromptu dance floor.

It only takes an hour for Cory and Shawn to be the only sober people half-making out on the dance floor- it's too loud to do anything else. With an expression that suggests he's giggling, Shawn pulls Cory's ear to his mouth.

"Let's go home!" He yells over the music.

"Aren't you having a good time?"

Shawn smiles, and, sure that no one is paying them any attention, slides his hand along the fly of Cory's jeans as he says, "Take me home." There's something strange about the expression on Shawn's face, something that Cory's never seen there before and can't place.

Cory kisses him and lets Shawn pull him upstairs. They apologize to the couple on top of their coats, and head home hand in hand.

Shawn shuts and locks the door of their dorm behind them and pulls Cory against him again as he does. Coats, scarves, shoes, sweaters, belts, pants, underwear and socks get pulled off one after another like the petals of a flower, "he loves me, he loves me not" and are strewn around the bed with the absolute knowledge that "he loves me not" has been left out of the game all together.

Shawn reaches into the top drawer of the nightstand, pulls out a small plastic packet, and presses it into Cory's hand.

"Oh," Cory responds, pulling back from Shawn and sitting up, staring into his palm, "This is what you meant by "take me home" I thought we were just gonna-" he makes a flailing sort of gesture and turns pink.

"Oh," Shawn pants, "I thought you…we don't have to," Shawn rubs his hand down Cory's face, "If you don't want-"

"I didn't say I don't want to, I'm just wondering if this is something that we need to, you know, _talk_ about, like at least _who's_ gon-"

Shawn sits up and cuts him off with a kiss.

"I love you," Shawn tells him, wrapping his arms around Cory's neck.

"I love you too."

"If you aren't ready, we'll just wait."

Cory doesn't respond for a second, catching his breath with his forehead pressed to Shawn's.

"You're sober right?" Cory asks him.

"As a judge," Shawn responds, "You too?"

"Yeah," Cory responds. Shawn lies back down, running his hands down Cory's body as he does.

"Okay," Cory sighs, handing the packet back to Shawn.

Shawn tears it open, squeezes the contents into his hands and rubs it between them, warming it, before spreading it over Cory, who shivers anyway, and then between his own legs. Cory kisses him, repositions himself and looks into Shawn's face again, the strange new expression still there, and realizes there isn't something new, there's something missing. Shawn's reticence, cynicism, defensiveness- the kicked dog look is gone.

Shawn is lying naked underneath him, looking at him with total and complete trust.

* * *

Next Installment: Ambition


	11. Ambition

Ambition

* * *

Graduation sneaks up on them. They manage to get an apartment together instead of winding up in Cory's parent's house but neither of them plunk down the internships or the enviable positions they'd hoped for. Cory thought that with the resume he'd built up in the last couple of years that he'd be able to find something, but he spends his 9 to 5 jockeying his desk and pushing his pencils and papers.

Shawn gets a full-time position at the ad-agency and between the money coming in from that, his savings from the last few summers, and the fact that Uncle Sam and the state of Pennsylvania paid for nearly all of his education, he manages to pay off his loans even before his grace period expires. When he hits a good week he comes home from work, makes dinner with Cory and writes late into the night. When he's stuck Cory gets his full attention. They go for walks and out for ice cream or just sit, reading quietly on the couch, reading out loud to each other when they run across something interesting or funny.

On good weeks Cory finds himself sitting at the kitchen counter jealously watching Shawn's furious typing and wishing that he didn't hate his job so much or that he could at least find the kind of outlet Shawn has. The jealousy peaks when Shawn starts coming home from the mailbox with letters. He's won another contest, he gotten several short stories published in different journals. One day Shawn comes home with a letter and a huge grin, one of the small local presses has published a book of his poetry. Cory kisses him, throws him his coat and takes him out for dinner to hear all about it. It's not until Shawn falls asleep, curled warmly against Cory's naked chest, that Cory begins to fume.

It's a couple more weeks before they actually fight about it. Cory sleeps on the couch that night. Shawn wakes Cory up the next morning and tells him to quit his job if he hates it that much, that they'll figure something out. Shawn goes off to work and Cory, bursting with relief, begins researching his options.

Cory's more or less unemployed for a couple of months. He works whatever hours his father gives him at the store- a morning here, a weekend there- but he spends most of his time putting together forms, portfolios and requirements for grad schools, writing cover letters, applying for internships and jobs. They eat a lot of spaghetti. Shawn gets a story put into an anthology of new American short stories and catches the attention of an agent who asks Shawn if he's ever thought of writing a novel. Shawn tells him that he's got a first draft nearly finished and begins writing and revising obsessively.

One evening Shawn is tearing a chapter apart and putting it back together when Cory comes home with his own letter and gives it to Shawn with quivering hands. It's dream job- a lucky break.

"New York, huh?" Shawn gulps. Cory nods.

"Okay."

* * *

Next Installment: Secrets


	12. Secrets

Secrets

* * *

Shawn can't understand the amount of money that his publisher is putting into the advertising campaign for his book. Despite the success he's already had, he still has trouble comprehending that anyone would be willing to spend that kind of money and effort on him. The publisher sends someone to interview him, to get a feel for a way to market Shawn himself because he's young and handsome and nothing sells like sex.

The interviewer asks him questions about his favorite food and favorite color, she asks him about how he grew up, she asks him about college. When she asks him whether or not he's got a girl in his life, Shawn's about to tell her about Cory and his seventh official anniversary that Friday and stops. Everyone in the book is straight, he thinks, and it's too good a story to let the audience dismiss just because it doesn't seem genuine coming from a gay author. He smiles, the ladykiller smile that he perfected in high school, and tells her that he's not really looking right now.

When Shawn tells Cory about the interview he's pretty sure it's the first time that he and Cory have ever screamed at each other. The fight goes on for nearly an hour and only stops when Cory half drops and half throws a plate onto the kitchen floor and sees Shawn spasm violently at the noise.

Cory's anger evaporates instantly. Shawn's father used to break plates when he hit an angry drunk phase. He's seen the scar on Shawn's leg from the time when one of the broken pieces hit him. Cory pulls him into his arms, apologizing into his shoulder. Shawn apologizes for lying about Cory and that he'll do it, he'll come out, he'll make a statement, he'll call the interviewer, whatever Cory wants and Cory tells him that he'll play along. But just this once. Shawn moved to New York to give him a chance, and Cory will do this to give Shawn a chance.

That night they make love so wildly that the neighbors bang on their bedroom wall to quiet them down.

* * *

Next Installment: Fame


	13. Fame

Fame

* * *

The ad campaign does its job. The book is a bestseller. Shawn gets stopped on the street on his way home one day and blushes beet red as he scribbles out an autograph for someone. Cory gets a promotion and a raise and they move into a slightly bigger apartment in a much nicer neighborhood.

Shawn decides that since the book did so well on its own two feet he's going to stop answering the "Who are you dating?" question with a smile and a cryptic response and start telling the truth. He gets put on the cover of OUT wearing an outfit that Cory laughs at for several minutes before catching his breath and asking, with fake nonchalance, if Shawn got to keep it and would perhaps consider wearing it more often.

The publisher starts pestering Shawn for another book and he keeps producing false starts.

Looking for inspiration, he digs out his old shoe box of stuff from college and finds the poems he used to separate out because Cory liked them. He copies each of them into a little moleskin notebook that he gives to Cory. Cory recognizes them and tells Shawn that he should send them to the publisher with the other poems and short stories they requested.

"No," Shawn replies, "These are only for you."

* * *

Next Installment: Forever


	14. Forever

Forever

* * *

Gay marriage is legalized in the state of New York a couple months after Shawn's second book comes out and when Cory and Shawn read the headline from one of the newspaper boxes on the street outside their apartment Cory just turns to Shawn and says "What do you think?"

Shawn shrugs. He and Cory have been introducing each other as "husband" for a couple of years now anyway, and they don't say it, but they both know their relationship is permanent in a way that neither the church nor the government is going to recognize.

"Sure," he replies, "Are you going to make an honest man out of me or the other way around?"

Cory's never wanted a big ceremony and Shawn's Catholic, none of his rituals are going to jive that well with this endeavor anyway. They end up asking Cory's parents to be their witnesses and going down to the courthouse. Afterward they all have a little reception in their apartment with some work friends and neighbors. They have a little cake and ice cream and Cory's father makes a toast.

Whenever Shawn zones out while typing for the next week he does it while staring at his ring. He wonders why they didn't wear them before and decides he likes being marked like this. Everyone can see that he belongs to someone and someone belongs to him. Forever.

* * *

Next Installment: Security


	15. Security

Security

* * *

One evening when Cory gets home from work Shawn is staring into the microwave. Cory quietly takes off his shoes, jacket and tie and waits. Sometimes Shawn will do this, just stop frozen in the middle of whatever he's doing. Usually it'll hold for several seconds and then Shawn will pull open his laptop and type furiously for hours before stopping with a distinct air of satisfaction and pretending to be reluctant when Cory asks Shawn to read it to him.

But this doesn't seem like the same sort of stare, and when Cory asks Shawn if he's okay Shawn turns around and shows him a water bill.

"I didn't even realize it was the first of the month," Shawn explains slowly, as though he's only just gaining a grasp on what happened to him, "And I pulled the bills out of the mailbox, and I threw them on the counter while I made coffee, and I reheated some leftovers and grabbed a bill to open while the microwave was running."

Cory continues to stare questioningly at him, but nods.

"We don't have to hide bills in the microwave, Cory," Shawn said to him, as though it was a revelation that he'd just carted down Mount Sinai on a stone slab. Cory smiles, kisses Shawn's temple, and pours himself a cup of coffee.

"No," he tells Shawn, "We don't. But I've been known to forget hot pockets in there," his smile wilts as Shawn's gaze continues to move from the bill to the microwave like the pendulum of a grandfather clock.

"Are you worried about money, Shawn?" Cory asks, "Because you do realize that in the last five years you've sold two of the highest selling books in the country, right?"

"I don't have to hide bills in the microwave," Shawn repeats numbly, breaking the pattern of glancing between the bill in his hand and the microwave on the counter, "Cor?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"We should adopt."

Cory manages to spit his coffee back out in his mug and not all over his shirt.

* * *

Next Installment: Family


	16. Family

Family

* * *

Not quite a year after Cory and Shawn visit an adoption agency, fill out all the paper work, and sit through an awkward family assessment session with a social worker who seems more than a tad uncomfortable interrogating them about their marriage, the agency calls.

When Cory and Shawn go in, their case worker tells them about a pair of three-year old twin girls, Cordelia and Desdemona, named after tragic Shakespeare characters by a young and formerly idealistic mother, pushed off on an aunt after their mother ran off and their father ran after her. The aunt had them placed in foster care. Shawn stares open mouthed at the case worker and Cory asks what their next step is. A couple months later the girls are officially placed with Cory and Shawn.

Two terrible toddlers in the apartment is a bigger disruption than either of them imagined. The first couple nights they cry for their foster mother, their aunt, their father, and after they've been crying for a while, their mother. Cory and Shawn each carry a girl around the living room until they finally cry themselves to sleep. Once they lay the girls down in the room they've spent the last couple of months setting up for them Cory and Shawn make each other cry, wonder if this was a good idea after all, and feel like crazy kidnappers.

The crying at bed time lasts for a week, and even though it gets a little less dramatic each time, and the girls stop calling out for people who aren't there, Cory and Shawn still cry every night. After a week and a half -and one night without tears- Shawn and Cory tell the girls it's time to go to bed and they both toddle toward their room, the boys following behind them. Desdemona goes to the book shelf, and waddles toward Cory, chubby hand clutching one of the story books they brought with them.

She hands it to Cory warbling "Sto-e?" and Cory and Shawn bring them back out to the living room and all sit down together on the couch. Cordelia climbs into Shawn's lap and falls asleep before Cory finishes. Desdemona carries her book back to her room, pulling Cory along by one finger so that he can tuck her in. Shawn stays on the couch, Cordelia's warm weight on his lap. He and Cory talk in whispers for a while before Cordelia stirs and Shawn goes to lay her down.

* * *

Next Installment: History


	17. History

History

* * *

After the social worker stops visiting, Shawn and Cory take the girls to Philadelphia to visit the grandparents that keep asking about them.

Eric and his girlfriend's son was a couple months old when Cory and Shawn adopted, so Amy and Alan have been grandparents for a while. But because Eric hasn't been able to make it back to Philly from California with the baby, Amy and Alan haven't gotten the opportunity to actually grandparent anyone yet.

They're thrilled to have little kids in the house again and the girls get spoiled just as much as Cory and Shawn, who have the revelation of all new parents- the perfect vacation destination doesn't have beaches or history or family friendly activities. The perfect vacation destination is somewhere that allows them to sleep in while someone else makes breakfast and does laundry and has the intricacies of PBS's early morning programming explained to them in two competing piping voices.

Desdemona and Cordelia are both fascinated by their grandparent's yard and bring Cory and Shawn out to play in it as soon as their fathers finish their breakfast every day.

Amy finds some sidewalk chalk in the house and gives it to the girls. Desdemona takes the purple chalk out and sits down on a square of the front walk, staring at it like a master stares at a canvas. She is a very serious child.

Cordelia prefers to walk around the house looking at all of the flowers, which she does with Shawn in tow. They walk around the house and smell all of the flowers with Cordelia asking Shawn "Sme Nice?" every time he pulls his nose out a flower, and giggling with delight every time Shawn gets orange streaks of pollen all over his face on purpose.

Shawn brings her over to the walk with her sister and shows her how to play with the chalk. Cory calls something out to Shawn and in the split second his back is turned Cordelia sees all the flowers across the street in the neighbor's garden and sets off toward them in her uneven little gallop.

Shawn turns back around to see his daughter running into the street, with a car rushing toward her. He bolts toward the street, Cory immediately after him, grabs Cordelia around her arms, and pulls her out of traffic. The car's tires squeal as it swerves all the way to the opposite side of the street. Cordelia yells and tries to wriggle away from Shawn and he almost drops her.

When her feet hit dirt she tries to run away from him. Shawn kneels down, turns her to face him, and smacks her square in the mouth.

She stops silent for a second and begins to wail in the same moment Shawn realizes what he's just done and dissolves into hysterics. Cory grabs Cordelia in one arm and Shawn in the other and calls out to his other daughter, who has been watching this whole scene play out with her wide owl eyes.

"Des," Cory says in the sweetest voice he can manage while trying to be heard over two crying people, "Could you please take your sister inside and get Grandma?"

Desdemona nods silently, takes Cordelia by the hand and leads her to the front door.

Shawn is hiccoughing "Oh my god I hit her, I hit her," into Cory's chest over and over again as Cory tries to shush him.

Amy sits Desdemona and her sniffling sister down at the kitchen table and pours them both a glass of juice.

"What happened?" She asks Desdemona.

Desdemona spreads her arms, shrugs, and sips her juice before replying "Dad's cryin."

Amy hasn't quite gotten it straight yet which of the boys is Dad, "Why?"

"Make' m cry," Cordelia sniffs, her big black eyes filling back up with tears.

"What did?"

"_Me_ make'm cry!"

Amy pats the girl's dark hair and tells her she's sure it's not her fault. When she hears the front door open, she tells the girls to stay put and goes out to the living room. Cory's walking a still sobbing Shawn downstairs to the guest room.

Cory tells his mother what happened when he comes back upstairs. She clicks her tongue.

"Well… I did that to you once. After you learned to walk you thought it was a great game to hide in all the clothes racks in the department store. I spent half an hour looking for you, crying the whole time, hit you when I found you, and reacted just about the same way," she mutters, "I think everyone does it once."

"Yeah, and he was scared. He turns his back for two seconds and she nearly gets hit by a car," Cory strains, "but Shawn hits somebody and remembers getting hit."

Amy's jaw dropped in surprise, "Chet didn't hit him did he?"

"Chet never hit him sober," Cory whispers to her, rubbing his hands over his face. She bites her lip.

"Me make'm cry?" A little voice calls from the kitchen door.

Cory scoops Cordelia up in his arms and goes into the kitchen.

"Wha happen?"

Cory's stumped for an explanation and is unendingly grateful when his mother says "Dad knows that hitting is a bad thing. He's sad because he made a mistake and he hurt you."

"Oh," Cordelia says. She and her sister scoot their chairs together and whisper in each other's ears while Amy pours Cory a glass of juice too. The girls appear to reach a decision, climb down from their chairs and each grab one of Cory's hands.

"Go get Dad," They insist.

Cory walks them downstairs, stops at the door and tells Shawn the girls want to see him. Shawn lets them in, he's mostly calmed down, but his face is red and blotchy and he's still crying a little. Desdemona grabs his hand and Cordelia hugs his leg.

"Don' be sad," Cordelia tells him.

Shawn tears back up. Cory ushers everyone onto the bed and grabs a story book out of his and Shawn's suitcase. The girls look at each other and both curl up next to Shawn while Cory reads. Shawn falls asleep and both of the girls giggle at him quietly when he begins to snore.

Cory takes them both back upstairs, and later in the afternoon when they go down for their nap, Cory takes Shawn out for ice cream while Amy watches over everything.

* * *

Next Installment: Beginnings


	18. Beginnings

Beginnings

* * *

Cordelia is thrilled about going to kindergarten and asks Cory and Shawn if it's time to go yet at breakfast every morning. Desdemona's excitement isn't as obvious, but Cory finds her checking her backpack in her room, and listing the name of all her supplies in a sing song voice "Folder, 'raser, marker."

They meet with the teacher, Miss Reslin, as a family, Cordelia dragging Shawn forward by the hand, Desdemona and Cory walking side by side behind the other two. Cordelia pulls Shawn right up to the teacher and introduces him, "This is my Dad."

Shawn shakes Miss Reslin's hand, "Hi, I'm Shawn,"

"And this is my Pop an my sister," Cordelia points back at Cory and Desdemona, "An, you're very pretty."

Miss Reslin gives Cordelia a warm smile and shakes Cory's extended hand.

"Cory. We're the Hunter-Matthews. This is Cordelia and Desdemona."

Cordelia and Desdemona explore the classroom and play with the blocks while Cory and Shawn take seats at a very small table and get pamphlets on the PTA, papers about class lessons and a calendar of events that they can sign up to volunteer for throughout the year. The teacher seems nice. She's young, with a bright white smile and big earrings with clay dinosaurs hanging off of them. Cordelia's right, she is very pretty.

She asks Cory and Shawn if Cordelia and Desdemona have nicknames.

"Um… Des and Delia I guess we call them that sometimes," Cory tells her.

"So should they go by their nicknames or their full names?" Miss Reslin asks.

Shawn calls the question out to the girls. Cordelia opts to become Delia, but Desdemona refuses to budge.

"Desdemona is a very pretty name," Miss Reslin tells her, "But it might be hard for some of the other kids to say."

"It's not hard to say," Desdemona asserts. Shawn shrugs and Miss Reslin labels the girls cubbies and shows them how they can put their stuff in them.

Cory and Shawn are very proud of themselves for not being the most teary-eyed parents dropping kids off on the first day of kindergarten. Cordelia runs straight to her cubby and begins putting her folders and crayons inside, Desdemona stops just inside the door, and scans the full room, still holding Cory's hand.

"At the end of the day, you come get us?" She asks.

"Yeah," Shawn tells her, "And we'll all make dinner together and you can tell us all about how your first day went."

"Okay," Desdemona purses her thin lips, "Don't leave yet."

She goes to her own cubby, puts her stuff away, gets her sister and brings her back to their fathers. The girls kiss them good bye and go find their desks.

It's not until the 4th grade that some kid with a Jesus-freak mother tells Delia and Desdemona that their fathers are fags and they're going to hell. Delia spits back that his father left because he didn't love him and he's just jealous because they've got two.

The ensuing kicking and hair pulling lands all three kids in the principal's office. Shawn gets called in. The boy's mother can't leave work to meet with the principal.

Shawn defends his daughters for defending themselves and refuses to tell them that anything that they did, beyond telling the boy that his father didn't love him, was wrong. The principal gives up in exasperation, sends the girls home with Shawn and for the next two years whenever the school needs to contact the Hunter-Matthews, Cory gets the call.

* * *

Next Installment: Women


	19. Women

Women

* * *

Cory is trying to find one of his old dress shirts when Desdemona timidly walks into his and Shawn's room tells him that she has to run down to the corner store and asks for some money.

"For what?" He asks.

"Umm…" She responds.

"Uh huh," He responds, "What do you really need Des?"

Desdemona clears her throat, "I have to go buy pads, Pop."

Cory turns bright pink and umms for several minutes before trying to give Des Eric's wife's phone number. Desdemona blushes, explains to her Pop that she doesn't really have time and it would really be just fine for him to give her some money. She'll be _right back_. Cory insists on coming with, because it's getting dark and he feels like coming with for this is a parental obligation.

He proves more of a hindrance than a help, standing in the feminine hygiene aisle with a bag in either hand reading words like "wings", "super-maxi", and "curved fit" in a squeaky whisper, and pretending he knows what they mean. Desdemona, wondering if it's actually possible to drop dead of embarrassment, disappears to the front of the store, where she explains to the woman behind the counter that she needs help and her father isn't any.

Cory spends the rest of the day asking her if she's okay, and she replies "I'm FINE Pop," with a little more frustration every time.

Shawn laughs until his stomach hurts when he hears this story.

Several weeks later, after their twelfth birthday, Delia and Desdemona sit in their bedroom deciding which of them has to tell their Dad that they need bras.

Rock crushes scissors and the responsibility falls to Cordelia. Based on Cory and "The Incident" they've already decided that this is a request for Shawn.

Shawn manages to play it cool and hardly embarrass his daughters at all. He takes the girls to Victoria's Secret, where a pretty blonde cashier who assumes that he's a widower brings bra after bra to the girl's dressing room. It's not until he sees what the girls have actually picked out that he finally blanches. Desdemona's wound up with two lacy black things that should never have been designed for a 12 year old. Shawn tries to explain this to her, quails at her, "But I like them," and gives up. He just pays, hands them their bags, and takes them home.

* * *

Next Installment: Fidelity


	20. Fidelity

Fidelity

* * *

Sometimes Shawn still has trouble accepting the good things that happen to him. But when a studio buys the film rights to his first book his immediate reaction is _not_ "when does the other shoe drop?" Cory can't remember the last time he's seen Shawn this excited.

He turns down an offer to adapt himself, because he doesn't think he can do it, but he still gets to be involved in the process. The director interviews him, the adaptor sends him emails to bounce ideas off of him, and the lead actor, who according to Shawn's teenage daughters, is "so totally hot" calls him several times to talk about character. Cory clears his throat a lot during these conversations.

Cordelia and Desdemona both surreptitiously acquire copies of the book, which Cory has told them they can read when they're older and Shawn has told them not to read at all. About half way through it occurs to them that it's _their Dad_ writing these things and it's possible that he's _actually done_ some of them. Horrified, neither of them finishes Chapter Eight.

The lead actor asks Shawn for a couple of face to face interviews because he's decided that he wants to base the character at least partially on Shawn himself. Shawn is giddy and he and the actor meet for coffee one night and plan dinner a week later. Cory gets into a huff about the coffee meeting because an actress on the show that Cory has been managing for the last couple years is chockfull of gossip about how this guy has been known to seduce co-stars, writers, producers and the like, just for the thrill of it.

"And these writers and co-stars they would be… women right?" Shawn tries to clarify.

"I know a lot of actors," Cory mutters.

Shawn neglects to mention the dinner.

At dinner the actor tells Shawn all about Stanislovsky and Method Acting and wonders if, maybe it would be alright if he could see some pictures of Shawn's family and how he grew up. Shawn's pretty sure that Cory's got photo albums around the apartment and invites him back to paw through them.

"My girls will be so thrilled to meet you," He tells him. He doesn't say it out loud, but he's also hoping that if Cory meets this guy he'll relax. He's square-jaw-former-jock-owns-a-huge-dog-straight.

"Cor? Des? Delia?" Shawn calls when he and the actor walk in. They were all supposed to be home.

Shawn puts on a pot of coffee and starts ferreting for pictures to show off. The actor looks around at the pictures on the shelves, which are all of him, Cory, the girls and their grandparents, him, Cory and the girls, just him and Cory.

"How long have you known Cameron?" the actor asks.

"Cory. Since I taught him to pick the lock on his playpen," Shawn laughs, pulling a photo album off of a shelf, "Maybe longer."

"Wow." The actor comments, and blows on his coffee.

Shawn and the actor sit on the couch holding the book between them and Shawn feels weird for feeling weird when the actor reaches across him to turn a page.

They finish the photo album and Shawn is surprised to find that the actor has inched closer to him this whole time. He feels a blush rising in his cheeks and stutters a little when he tries to ask what else he'd like to see.

The actor makes a comment about how different Shawn looks in all of these pictures than he does on all of the book jackets.

"It's the hair," The actor laughs, playfully pulling strands of it between his fingers. Shawn's about to suggest that he leave when the actor kisses him.

From the second Shawn saw the actor's arms moving toward him he knew that Cory was going to walk in. That's just how his life works.

The door opens with a sound like a dropping shoe and Cory and the girls stop dead in the doorway as Shawn pushes the actor away. The actor grabs his coat and leaves instantly, no explanations, no excuses, no apologies.

Cory sends the girls to their room and Shawn starts a punctuationless rant about how he'd thought they'd all be home it was just a project meeting he was sure he was straight he'd been so stupid he hadn't realized, he's never had a guy hit on him before, he hadn't kissed him back Cory had to know that!

Cory's response is "Why did you lie about where you went tonight? Why did you bring Mr. Tall-Blonde and Muscular back here?" and all Shawn manages is a "Because I didn't want to have to fight about it, because it's… it's silly Cor, how would I…" he can't even say the word "cheat" and Cory clears his throat and just says, "You and I don't lie to each other, Shawn."

It's a tense rest of the night. The girls do their homework in silence at the kitchen table while Cory reads the newspaper and Shawn reads a book. An hour passes without either of them turning a page. Cordelia lets out a huge fake yawn at ten, kisses both her fathers good night and goes to her room, followed moments later by Desdemona.

"Where did you three go?" Shawn asks a little while after their door closes.

"The library. There was some sort of overdue book emergency I guess," Cory sighs.

He goes to bed and Shawn sleeps on the couch, not because Cory made him but because he feels too awful to do anything else. Cordelia and Desdemona see him there in the morning, and get ready for school as quietly as possible. He wakes up when Cordelia accidently knocks over a glass, and both girls make a point of hugging him before they leave.

Two days terrible days later, Cordelia and Desdemona get home from school to find Cory and Shawn making out on the couch like teenagers. Both girls are so relieved that they eschew their normal complaint of "Guuuuuuuuuyyyyysss" and just duck into their room as quietly as possible.

* * *

Next Installment: Boys


	21. Boys

Boys

* * *

Shawn has a jolt of inspiration at the dinner table that night and retreats to his desk and laptop. After dinner Cory does dishes, Desdemona goes out to a movie with a group of friends and Cordelia sits on the couch tapping her foot and looking at her phone expectantly. When it finally rings she answers it instantly.

"Are you downstairs? Okay, I'll be right down." She hangs up, grabs her jacket off one of the kitchen table chairs and calls, "See you later Pop!" to Cory, who stops her with a soapy outstretched hand.

"Where you going Delia?" he asks wearily.

"Out," She replies sweetly.

"With?"

"You know, a friend."

"How about your friend comes up here first?"

Cordelia gives Cory a look he is getting used to from his teenage daughters and makes a call.

"Hi, actually I'm going to buzz you up-- my father wants to meet you."

There's a knock at the door in a couple of minutes and Cordelia opens it.

"Why don't you invite your friend in Delia?" Cory suggests.

A tall boy with black hair, a leather jacket and the ridiculous jeans that Cory keeps seeing kids wear walks through the front door and Cory drops the plate he's washing in the sink.

"Pop this is Dean, Dean this is my father."

Dean extends his hand to shake and Cory turns his head to the bedroom door and yells, "Honey?"

Shawn yells back "I'm working!"

"Your daughter is going out with a boy. In a leather jacket."

Shawn appears in the living room as though he was beamed there.

"Dad this is Dean," Cordelia sighs, red with embarrassment, turning up the volume on the disproving teenage girl look she's still giving Cory, "Dean this is my other father."

Cordelia turns redder and redder as Cory and Shawn make conversation with Dean, nearly purpling with embarrassment when Cory announces that Dean should know that he knows exactly what Dean thinks that jacket means and Shawn shushes his husband, before adding to Dean that he knows exactly what his own leather jacket meant in high school.

Shawn haggles Cordelia's curfew to midnight and she grudgingly accepts it.

"That one's my daughter?" Shawn asks after Cordelia is gone.

"Absolutely," Cory

"I don't know, she's the one going out with the guy in the jacket. Maybe you two have more in common than you think."

Shawn goes back to writing, and Cory reads a book on the couch, checking the clock every couple of pages until Shawn comes out to join him. They watch TV and Shawn assures Cory that Cordelia is a smart girl who can take care of herself and that they are eventually going to have to get over this "girls growing up" thing. Cordelia and Desdemona get back together at 11:00, both looking upset.

"You're both back before curfew on a Friday night?" Shawn asks, "What's wrong? Bad date?"

"No date," Cordelia responds.

"Dean went back home after he left here," Desdemona explains.

Cory and Shawn's eyes go buggy and they both gulp down guilt and start a simultaneous chorus of "Honey we're so sorry-we didn't mean-what can we do" But Cordelia cuts them off.

"Dean had a problem with the fact that we've got two fathers," She mumbles, "So I told him to go to hell and walked down to the coffee shop near the theater and waited for Desde."

"He's a fucktard," Desdemona assures Cordelia, "And everyone knows it. You should here some of the things Angelica says about him."

Language like that from Desdemona is nearly as rare as Cory and Shawn letting their daughters get away with language like that, but this time around they all just nod in agreement.

Cordelia and Desdemona both go wash their faces and go to their room. Cory leans his head into Shawn's shoulder and sighs. Shawn kisses his temple.

In the morning Cory finds his first grey hair, and jokes with Cordelia over breakfast that it's all her fault.

* * *

Next Installment: Maturity


	22. Maturity

Maturity

* * *

Shawn gets political in his middle age. He writes a couple of diatribes against the president and his "dirty little war" and the Associated Press starts paying him for articles.

He's working on a piece about the depressing changes in young adult literature one day and goes to Des and Delia's room to grab a couple of books to compare with the new-fangled conservative schlock he's trying to be articulately outraged about. A small silver packet slips out of one of the books from Desdemona's shelf.

Birth control hasn't changed that much in the 30 some years since he's seen a girl take it.

Des gets home from school, sees the book on the end table next to her Dad and puts two and two together even before he pulls the packet out of his breast pocket.

"Jeremy and I have been together for a year and a half, he's a good guy, he loves me, I love him, and obviously, we're careful," She tells him, and despite attempting to suppress an urge to threaten Jeremy until the boy cries the next he comes over, Shawn's proud of his daughter's self assurance and maturity, at least up until she ends her confident little speech with, "And please, please, please, please don't tell Pop. Pleeeeeaaassseee."

Shawn takes his glasses off, and pinches the bridge of his nose, "Okay. Fine. We'll keep this between the two of us cause Pop's cholesterol's been bad the last couple years and we don't need to pay for his heart attack and two kids in college right?"

"Thank you," Desdemona sighs and hugs him. Shawn hands her the pills and just before Desdemona disappears into her room Shawn calls, "Des?"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Cordelia's not…." He clears his throat, "No. I don't want to know. Never mind."

Desdemona disappears into her room, shaking with relief. If Pop or Dad ever finds out that Cordelia lost hers at 14, Desdemona hopes she's a couple of states over.

* * *

Next Installment: Leaving


	23. Leaving

Leaving

* * *

Desdemona and Cordelia start looking at colleges. Cordelia's thinking about fashion or maybe theater, and Desdemona's looking at economics or political science. No matter what subject the girls consider Cory's advice is to "Go to NYU". Just to see if he's even listening to them, one night at dinner Cordelia makes something up about looking into animal husbandry programs. Cory's response is "Go to NYU," he takes another bite of peas before adding "Animal what?"

When Cory's at work, Shawn tells the girls to go wherever they want for school, take whatever they want and not to worry about it. No one uses their degree anyway he tells them.

"You and Pop both did," Desdemona points out. Shawn shrugs.

Cordelia does decide to go to NYU, but insists on moving into the dorms. Desdemona chooses Georgetown, and has a very brief conversation with her fathers when they find out that's where her boyfriend is going.

"I'm not following Jeremy to school, he's following me."

"I'm not sure I like this," Cory tells Shawn later, kicking a box labeled "Delia's towels/sheets/detergent" out of the middle of the living room, "What if I had followed Topanga to Yale?"

"You'd've flunked out before fall break," Shawn tells him distractedly-he's working.

"Fine. What if Topanga had followed me to Pennbrook?"

"You'd've married her instead," Shawn says.

"Pah," Cory answers.

"Topanga? Who's Topanga?" Cordelia asks, peeking her head of her and her sister's room.

"A girl from a very, very long time ago," Cory tells her.

Cordelia grabs a snack from the kitchen and returns to her room. Later, when they're sure that Cory and Shawn are asleep, Desdemona and Cordelia quietly go through the hall closet looking for a yearbook.

"What do you think she looked like?" Delia asks Des when their search proves futile and they restack everything and go back to bed.

"I don't know. Dark hair, pretty."

"Glasses?"

"Probably yeah. Kinda skinny too I bet."

"Des? Can you imagine Pop marrying someone else? A woman?"

Des thinks a moment.

"No. But that was a really long time ago. I mean, Pop and Dad _couldn't_ have gotten married way back then."

"Yeah. I guess," Cordelia agrees. She sighs sleepily, "I hope I'm like that when I've been married that long," she says.

Des is silent.

"You know. Happy. Still leaving the last apple out. Not divorced and fighting all the time and sick of each other."

"Delia?" Des asks.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think that stuff happens if you get married too young?"

"Nah," Cordelia answers, "I think it happens if you aren't right for each other you know? Like if you change a lot between when you get married and after you've been married for a while. Why?"

"Jeremy asked me to marry him."

* * *

Next Installment: Engaged


	24. Engaged

Engaged

* * *

Both girls have been in college for about a month before Des calls Cory and Shawn to tell them that she's engaged. Cordelia is home taking advantage of an opportunity for free food when Desdemona calls and she bursts out a relieved, "Oh good, cause keeping that a secret was killing me!" which brings out a chorus of "Why didn't you tell us right away?" and a response of "I didn't want to pile one more thing on your shoulders when I was already moving away!"

Cory's freaking out years are over, but he _is_ rather perturbed.

"She's too young," Cory tells Shawn, "She's nineteen!"

"You were engaged at eighteen," Shawn reminds him.

"Yeah, for what? Less than a year?"

"You were engaged at eighteen Pop?" Cordelia demands. Some wheedling gets a couple year books pulled out from under the bed.

"Blonde," Cordelia tells Desdemona later, "Short, round faced, long blonde hair. I'll email you a scan of the picture, and you _have to_ see the girl that Dad was dating. She looks like a model. You won't even believe it. And I'll send you picture of Dad and Pop when they were like, eleven. Pop was so small."

Desdemona's break is too short to justify the train fare up to New York, so she and Jeremy have Thanksgiving with Jack and his wife and their children: two boys, one two years older than Cordelia and Desdemona, one a year younger.

Cory and Shawn's apartment is full of a mish-mashed assortment of raggedy art students that Cordelia brings home with her for the holiday. They're all entranced with Cory's "rocking awesome TV job" and one of Cordelia's friends from the theater, a chipmunk-cheeked little bleach blonde, gets into a impassioned political discussion with Shawn, who's work she deeply admires, that get cuts short when Cory insists on "no politics at dinner," because "it'd be nice to escape it for that long at least."

* * *

Next Installment: Politics


	25. Politics

Politics

* * *

Jeremy is drafted in his sophomore year. Cory and Shawn call to check on Desdemona as often as they can. She tries to put on her brave voice, and mostly she does well, but she's called the apartment crying more than once and Cordelia says that Des' emails are always sad now.

Shawn's articles get more and more incendiary and he puts out a story that doesn't even pretend to be anything but a thinly veiled political allegory. It gets published everywhere, then banned, then published everywhere else. When Cory's passed over for promotion, he and Shawn are both pretty sure it has something to do with the relatively conservative network's reluctance to be publicly linked with "radicals".

Shawn gets home from a meeting with his half-delighted, half- terrified editor one day to find the little green voicemail light on the phone blinking. The message is two words in a very carefully constrained voice.

"He's dead."

* * *

Next Installment: Fight


	26. Fight

Fight

* * *

Desdemona takes a semester long leave of absence and moves back home. She spends the first couple of weeks wandering around the apartment like a ghost and Cordelia starts staying at home a lot more. Shawn hugs her a lot and Cory bakes a lot, but neither is totally sure what to do to help.

At the end of her rope, Cordelia suggests that she and Des go to a protest march that weekend and the color comes back into Desdemona's face for the first time since she came back to New York. When Shawn finds out where they're going, he comes with them.

They're all arrested on trumped up charges of Conspiracy to Incite a Riot, and after the charges are dropped Cory has to come and pick them up.

"I can't believe you Shawn," Cory hisses when they all get home.

"They did the right thing Cor-" Shawn starts.

"You got our daughters tear gassed and arrested," Cory yells, "You're all _fucking_ lucky you weren't shot at or beat over the head with nightsticks."

"Them being more powerful doesn't make us wrong Cory!" Shawn yells back.

"But them having nightsticks makes you and our daughters dead of concussions in the streets Shawn!"

"I'm not afraid," Desdemona announces, arms crossed tightly over her chest in front of the bathroom door, "And I'm not going to stop."

"Go to your room!" Cory yells.

Desdemona looks Cory straight in the eye, uncrosses her arms and walks out the front door, slamming it behind her.

"Does anyone remember when she used to listen to me?" Cory demands of the unfair world at large.

Cordelia and Desdemona go to plenty more protests that year and Shawn and Cory pick them up from jail several times, Cory usually yelling something along the lines of "If you'd stop egging them on!" at Shawn on the way back.

Desdemona goes back to Georgetown in the spring, changes her major to social justice and starts several political organizations. The war goes on for two more years.

* * *

Next Installment: Birthday


	27. Birthday

Birthday

* * *

Cory and Shawn didn't feel like empty nesters when the girls left for college, but they do now. Desdemona's been living in DC for a couple of years, working with non-profit organizations involved in getting proper psychiatric care for veterans. Cordelia, instead of being in and out of their apartment every couple of weeks, got a film researching internship and ran off to LA.

Desdemona emails every week. Cordelia emails sporadically. Sometimes Cory and Shawn will get two emails from her in one day, sometimes weeks will go by.

Cory and Shawn decide to roll both of their birthdays and their anniversary into one party. They pick a weekend close to halfway between their birthdays and invite everyone.

The morning of the party Cory stands shirtless in the bathroom looking at himself in the mirror, suddenly feeling old and thoroughly aware that he has gotten chubby in all of the places that Shawn hasn't. Shawn comes in, kisses him and hands Cory the shirt he got him for his real birthday before digging his razor out of the medicine cabinet and starting to shave.

"I should start working out," Cory sighs.

"The doctor's been telling you that for years," Shawn responds, "I don't see why you'd start listening now."

"I think these," Cory pinches the flab on his sides, "Are convincing me."

Shawn smiles and grabs Cory by the love handles, "I like them."

He kisses Cory on the cheek again, getting shaving cream on his face.

"Liar."

It's a great party. Cordelia and Desdemona both make it, and bring their boyfriends, Arthur and John, respectively. The neighbors all come, and between Shawn's associates and Cory's work buddies good beer is practically on tap. Alan and Amy stay home, claiming to be too old, but they send a card.

After all the guests leave, Cordelia, Desdemona and their boyfriends stay to visit and help clean up. It's one in the morning before Desdemona begins yawning incessantly and she and John head for their hotel. Cordelia and Arthur only stay a little while longer before they get up to leave as well. They've only been gone a couple of minutes before Arthur reappears through the front door and whispers "Mr. Matthews! Mr. Hunter!"

Cory and Shawn give him a strange look from the couch.

"Did you forget something, son?" Cory asks.

Arthur grins a wide, crooked grin, "I wanted to meet you and tell you in person, I'm going to, I mean, could I… ask Delia to marry me?"

Neither responds right away and Shawn finally offers "Uh, sure?"

Arthur grins again and runs back out of the apartment.

Cory turns to Shawn, "Delia is going to walk all over that poor little boy."

* * *

Next Installment: Old


	28. old

Old

* * *

Arthur turns out to be more than a match for Cordelia after all and over the next few holidays Cory and Shawn grow to like him more and more. The wedding is set for January.

Shawn is relieved to be escaping the coldest week of the winter but Cory is convinced that they will set foot in Los Angeles and be instantly murdered and robbed by competing gangs of drug dealers with Thompson guns. Shawn points out that Eric, his wife, his children, Delia and Arthur have lived there for years-unmolested. Also, no one has used a Thompson gun since the Valentine's Day massacres, and those not only happened in the 1920's, but in Chicago. Cory huffs.

Arthur's parents seem surprised to meet Cory and Shawn, but Arthur's so thrilled to introduce them that Shawn's sure he must have mentioned them before. Cory and Shawn both give the bride away, then sit in the front row and sniffle, blowing their noses in their pocket squares.

Alan looks pretty rickety at the wedding, and Cory and Shawn make a concentrated effort to spend some quality time with Amy and Alan while they are all in California together.

Alan dies a few months after the wedding and Cory and Shawn fly in to Philadelphia to help Amy, Eric flies in as well. Amy insists she's fine, and they are all welcome to stay in a hotel, but all three boys stay in the house anyway.

The night after the funeral Cory and Shawn sit on the back porch together. Shawn has one arm around Cory, Cory hold his other hand and they stare at their fingers as they try to talk about the funeral. The back door of the house next door opens and both look up instantly, only to be greeted by Deborah, the woman who bought the house after Mr. Feeny died.

Deborah gives them one of the slightly overdone smiles that both of them recognize. This one says "Oh this must be Amy's gay son and gay husband. Huh." She offers her condolences to them, but not the advice that the noise of that door had promised to them the same way that Pavlov's bells promised a meal. She gives them another overly communicative smile and goes to her garage.

"I feel so old," Cory sighs. Shawn squeezes him tighter.

* * *

Next Installment: Additions


	29. Additions

Additions

* * *

Cory is less reluctant to go back to LA when it's time to go visit their new grandson.

Arthur is glowing when he picks them up at the airport and tells them all about the baby- Seth Alastair Sorenson. 7 pound 4 ounces, black hair, curled ears, and eyes that were still blue.

"Alastair?" Shawn asks.

"My parents insisted, it's an old family name. Cordelia liked it. She said she always liked being the only Cordelia in school and not the 23rd Katie, but I thought it was too big a name for such a little baby, so we agreed to make it his middle name."

Shawn tells Arthur the story about Desdemona at 5 years old refusing to shorten her name for kindergarten and Arthur tells them all about the last couple days of Cordelia being pregnant, about taking her to the hospital and about seeing his son be born while he takes them to their hotel to check in and then to his and Cordelia's apartment. He welcomes them in with a whisper-Cordelia's sleeping- and the three men spend half an hour standing around the crib cooing and counting toes and talking in small voices, while the tiny black haired baby makes cross eyed yawns at them. When the baby falls asleep Arthur makes lunch for everyone and wakes Cordelia. After a while the baby starts to cry and Cordelia goes to get him, walking around the living room with him until he quiets down.

The afternoon is spent talking and playing with the baby and around 5 Shawn suggests that the new parents take a load off- he and Cory can make dinner and maybe they could invite Arthur's parents over to visit. Arthur clears his throat and casts Cordelia a sidelong look. She purses her lips.

"Ummm. I'm not sure if-"

"I'll call them," Cordelia declares, handing the baby to Arthur. She goes to use the phone in the bedroom.

"What was that about?" Cory asks. Arthur reddens and stutters something about his parents being uncomfortable…more uncomfortable… not sure how to….

"Oh," Shawn responds, "Because we used to be radicals, or because we're gay?"

Arthur mutters something about his parents not realizing till after the wedding that one of Cordelia's fathers was _that_ Shawn Hunter, but maybe that was part of it. Mostly it was… yeah them. Together. You know. Conservative.

Cordelia comes back in with a tight smile on her face and take the baby back from Arthur.

"What did they say?" Arthur asks.

"They said they'll be here in 20 minutes," Cordelia coos, mostly to the baby.

Cory and Shawn start going through the cupboards, digging out ingredients.

"What did you say?" Arthur continues.

"I said that if they wanted anymore grandkids they'd get their asses over here and make nice with my parents whether they liked it or not," She coos, "Yes I did." The baby laughs and Cory and Shawn exchange a grin. Definitely their daughter's son.

The baby is sleeping when Arthur's parents come over and the extended family sits down for an awkward dinner. They have a halting discussion about differences between New York and Los Angeles, a couple non-controversial news items and finally, after a glass of wine, Arthur's mother admits to having loved Shawn's first book when she was young and the conversation begins to warm.

The baby starts to cry and everyone but Arthur's father gets up to get him. Arthur and Cordelia sit down immediately. Then Cory. Then Shawn.

Arthur's mother brings Seth back to the living room and sits with him while everyone finishes dinner. As the rest of the family begins to clear the table Seth starts to cry.

"Here," Shawn extends his arms, "I'll take him."

Seth quiets quickly as Shawn bounces him gently against his shoulder, "I remember doing this with you," Shawn whispers to Cordelia, "Of course you were much bigger."

"You're good with him," Arthur's father remarks to Shawn.

Desdemona gets married early in the following year, to a man named Jasper, who Cory really likes and Shawn finds a little bland. But he's a good man, and a good husband and since he convinced Desdemona to take a job that brought her back to New York City, neither Cory nor Shawn ever say a word against him.

* * *

Next Installment: Scare


	30. Scare

Scare

* * *

Amy dies the year the boys turn 60 and Cory has a heart attack three weeks after Shawn's birthday.

Shawn kneels next to him waiting for the paramedics, completely unable to accept what's going on, almost frozen as one of the little boys from down the hall bursts in with the paramedics following behind him. They load Cory up and take him down to the ambulance- Shawn still frozen in the living room. One of the young men takes him by the shoulder, and with a gentle "Sir? This way," starts leading him downstairs. The little boy runs home.

Shawn sits in the waiting room with his head in his hands, not moving, doing his best to remind himself how far medicine has come since the last time he was sitting in a waiting room, waiting to hear about a heart attack. He doesn't look up until his name is called and when the intern tells him that it was only a mild attack and Cory is going to be fine, Shawn's so relieved that he hugs the petite little girl fiercely and she has to repeat, "Umm… Mr. Hunter?" a couple of times before he lets her go.

Shawn refuses to leave the hospital, visiting hours be damned, and when a couple of interns try and convince him to go home, an older nurse, one who's seen the look in Shawn's eye more than once, tells them to give up. She's sure it will be fine. She bustles off to ensure that it becomes fine.

When Cory's released Shawn takes him home and systematically throws away all of the eggs, cheese, beef and beer in the apartment. The little neighbor boy and his mother show up at the door with a casserole which Shawn gratefully accepts. He gives the mother a steak and a carton of eggs and her son tugs at his sleeve.

"Mr. Hunter? You got to ride ina ambalanze?"

"He wants to be a paramedic when he grows up," His mother explains with a kind smile, "He wants to save people."

"Yeah," Shawn tells him in a tight voice, "I did."

"Was it-"

His mother cuts him off, right now isn't a good day to ask questions about the ambulance, but Shawn tells the boy to come back later that week and he'll tell him all about it. His mother smiles at Shawn and tells them to take care.

* * *

Next Installment: Golden


	31. Golden

Golden

* * *

Cory retires at sixty five and Cordelia suggests that he and Shawn go for some sort of exotic vacation. The only time they've ever been out of the country was in their late 20's and they spent a week in London for Shawn's job. The last time they had been thinking about a vacation was right before Amy's death, which convinced them to stay close to home.

Desdemona, the world traveler, sends them a bunch of travel magazines with things circled in bright red marker. Shawn starts trying to talk Cory into going to Thailand and Cory dithers about his new fixed income and the potential standards of exotic Asian toilets. They never make a decision.

A couple of years later Eric turns 70 and when they call him to wish him a happy birthday he asks what kinds of cars 16 year olds like.

"Why?" Cory asks slowly.

"I'm going to go get a lottery ticket and buy cars for my grandkids."

Cory decides that there's no point in trying to explain the flaw in this plan, tells him, "red ones," and after a little more casual chat about slightly less bizarre things, hangs up.

Shawn's not the least bit surprised to see Eric in the national news two days later, his wizened little grin and quintessential Eric-ness dazing a reporter who should've been warned before talking to him on live television. Eric's wife takes charge of the money, cheerfully dolling out whatever they decide to give away, and patiently explaining that buying things like jets and antelopes can wait.

On their 50th anniversary (not their wedding anniversary, their official anniversary) Eric calls them to gleefully inform them that their present will be a vacation. Eric bankrolls his brother and brother in law's trip and they spend two months wandering around Europe, Cory reading all the museum plaques and Shawn sampling all the wine.

* * *

Next Installment: Cold


	32. Cold

Cold

* * *

Seth starts at NYU that fall and for the first couple weeks before he gets embroiled in class and social stuff he very conscientiously tries to have lunch with his grandfathers. Cory and Shawn call Cordelia after both of the lunches to tell her that he sounds like he's doing just fine and to see how _her_ family is doing with a kid running off to the other side of the country.

"I did not run off Dad!" She replies, sounding much the way she did at 15 years old.

There's a nasty strain of flu going around that winter. Cordelia's son calls her to complain about how sick he is and she calls Cory and Shawn to laugh about how she did the same thing when she was in college.

Shawn gets sick first and goes around complaining about his fever and lysoling everything so that Cory won't get it too. After a couple days they're both terribly ill. Desdemona sends Jasper to bring them soup and she comes to check up on them the next day.

They're sick for two weeks. Every time Cory sneezes he announces, "I'm too old for this," and Shawn responds, "I'm too sick for this." It's not till the third week of soup, antibiotics and hot tea that that they start waking up and feeling a little better.

One morning Shawn doesn't wake up.

* * *

Next Installment: Goodbye


	33. Goodbye

Goodbye

* * *

Desdemona tries to get Cory to come stay with her family in the suburbs, but to no avail. He won't leave his own apartment. Cordelia flies in from California and she and Desdemona install themselves in their old room. Arthur and the kids all stay in Desdemona and Jasper's house.

The girls make funeral arrangements and thank the neighbors for casseroles. They set out the letters sent from family, co-workers and friends for Cory to see, but he doesn't touch them. They watch him teeter around the apartment, setting out two tea mugs every morning before looking at his girls, rubbing his eyes, and pulling out a third mug. Two plates at lunch. Two plates at dinner.

He walks around like a ghost, occasionally gratefully patting the hair of one of his girl's as he crosses the living room or the kitchen.

Shawn's publisher sends over a package of some of the mail sent by fans that they thought the family might like to see. Cordelia and Desdemona whittle it down further, tossing anything particularly sweet or noteworthy into the basket with the other untouched letters.

"Des?" Cordelia pulls a letter out of the pile and shows it to her, "Check this one out."

The return address is Topanga McTeague, 1587 Howell Road, Montevideo Minnesota.

"No way," Desdemona responds, "That was over 60 years ago."

"Well, it sounds like they grew up together. And how many Topangas are there in this world?"

They show it to their father when he wakes up from his afternoon nap and for a moment it seems to breathe just the tiniest bit of life back into him. He carefully tears it open, fixes his glasses and reads it, humfing in places, almost smiling in others. It's not a long letter.

The night before the funeral Cory agrees to go to Desdemona's house to eat dinner with the family, to stay there that night, and to leave for the church with everyone in the morning.

* * *

Next Installment: Soon


	34. Soon

Soon

* * *

Despite his daughters, his sons in law, and a couple of his older grandchildren begging him to stay with the family the night after the funeral, Cory insists on staying in his own home. When it's clear that he's not going to budge on this they each offer to stay in the extra bedroom in turn, and he turns them all down.

Jasper drives Cory back to the city, trying the whole drive to convince Cory to just stay in the suburbs, but knowing that he won't be able to. Cory thanks Jasper for the ride and accepts Jasper's offer to walk him up the apartment. Jasper dithers in the living room for a couple of minutes, making sure that there's nothing else Cory needs before he leaves.

With his son in law finally out the door, Cory pulls one mug -just one- down from the cupboard and makes himself a cup of hot chocolate. He carries it to the bedroom and sets it on the nightstand to cool off before walking back out to the kitchen to fill his water glass. He takes his arthritis medicine and then takes Shawn's pills off of the nightstand and puts them in the drawer. Something catches his eye. A small, foxed, ever-so-slightly-dusty moleskin notebook. He takes a bracing sip of cocoa, puts the mug down and pulls the notebook out.

The small print wearies his eyes, and he doesn't remember the pages being this hard to turn, but all the words are still there, crisp and clean- hardly even faded. He hits a poem about the leaves in Vermont, and feels the tears start back up. Apparently he'd been wrong earlier. He hasn't cried himself dry yet after all. He sets the notebook on the empty pillow next to him and buries his face in his hands.

"Cor?" A soft, clear voice rings out in the empty room and Cory looks up.

Shawn is sitting at the edge of the bed, not a day over twenty, in his jeans and that stupid worn out Om symbol T-shirt he used to wear all the time, a gentle smile on his face.

Cory opens his mouth to reply "Shawnie" and between the sob halfway out of his mouth and his fear that dementia may be setting in can't manage it.

"Remember how I told you that I'd talked to my father after he died?" Shawn asks. It's _his_ voice, no ethereal twinge, no echo, no bells or harps, just him, nothing added but the vital young timbre of his own voice, "I knew you were only pretending to believe me."

"Shawnie?" Cory finally chokes out, "You're-"

"I'm okay, Cor."

Cory reaches up to brush the tears from his eyes, aware of the bags and wrinkles there for the first time in years.

"I'm okay. Everything's going to be okay," Shawn brushes his hair out his eyes, exactly the way he always used to.

"The doctors said… that it was painless. That you didn't feel any-"

"I didn't," Shawn tells him, "I didn't feel a thing. I just fell asleep."

"It took me such a long time to call anyone," Cory whispers, "I didn't know what to do. It was Des that ended up calling…"

"The girls are really worried about you."

"I know," Cory replies, stiffly trying to pull himself out of the bed so that he can move closer to Shawn. Shawn crawls, with the ease of youth to his side of the bed to sit next to Cory.

"Go ahead, Cory, you can ask."

Cory stops.

"Did you come to get me?"

"No, I'm just here to tell you that everything's okay," he brushes his hair out of his eyes again, "But when it happens, I _will_ come to get you."

Cory wants so badly to reach out and grab his hand, but is afraid it won't be there. "Did you have to go alone?" he asks.

"No," Shawn replies, "My father was there. Your parents were there."

Cory clenches his jaw and nods.

"I want to go with you Shawnie," he manages.

"Soon Cor."

"I know. I think the girls know."

"Yeah. I'd start borrowing huge sums of money if I were you."

Cory barks out a strained laugh, but sobers quickly, "This last week's the longest you've ever been gone. I don't know what to do without you."

"It's going to be okay Cor." Shawn assures him again, kneeling next to him.

"Are you going to visit the girls?" Cory asks. A Shawn that Cory remembers from decades and decades ago, places his palms on Cory's bare, spider veined, wrinkled knees. Cory's not sure if he can feel them or not. Shawn leans his face to Cory's.

"We'll go visit them together okay?" He whispers before kissing Cory. It's just a peck on the lips, but Cory's sure he feels it this time. When he opens his eyes Shawn is gone. The little moleskin notebook is in his hand.

Cory wipes his eyes, tucks the notebook back into the drawer of his nightstand and turns out the light.

"Soon," he repeats.

* * *

The End

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